Ay, Gross!

So,

in keeping with my Brooklyn(ite) adventures,

the VeeBee and I had one of our own yesterday.

Whilst walking around our hood, picking up things

we needed to clean our apartment, we passed an old

broken down looking movie theater. After commenting

that we wished it were open so we wouldn't have to travel

so far, we noticed an unassuming older gent walking through

the smoky glass doors. Intrigued we walked up and peered in.

There were a few poster frames promoting movies like, "Scary

Movie" and "Freddie Got Fingered." I turned to the VeeBee

and said, "This has got to show porn! Do these places even still exist?"

We peered in again. The sign above the box office read, 'Adults $10'

'Child $4'. We pondered and then, being bold, the VeeBee went in.

He walked up to the box office, chatted for a sec, nodded his head

and then popped back out the door. "Yup, he said, its porn."

"Are you kidding?!" I said incredulously. "No," he went on, "I walked

up to the box office and there was a little Puerto Rican guy behind

the window. I asked him what kind of movies they played and in

a heavy accent he said (mimicking the accent) "Pornos.". "Gross." I said,

still disbelieving that places like that existed. For the rest of the day we felt

a bit skeeved out, but also intrigued. We googled this place and it shows one straight

porn flick, one gay porn flick and one foreign film. Yeah, cause I really want to go see

"La Dolce Vita" knowing that next door some guy is whacking it to some low rate

gay porn. Yikes! The VeeBee and I pondered how the internet had not killed off places

like this, though I suppose if you were out to watch porn and get laid at the same time

this would be a better spot than say, your living room computer. With that said, we chatted,

ate some breakfast at the local diner and had a leisurely walk about the town. Then, we

cleaned and cleaned and cleaned the apartment. I can't remember the last time scrubbing

a fridge made me break out in an epic sweat. Ay, gross. Here is to cleanliness, getting

the apartment together and getting rid of those damn coackroaches. I am waging a war

and it will be won!!!!!

Tune in next week, when I stumble across more insanity

in the coolest of the five boroughs.

xoxo

~M

There's too much going on right here

I know I haven't posted in a while, but I am back
and better than ever. Although I still have not fixed
that aforementioned tooth, the pain it incites when
I eat sweets has kept me away from them and therefore
made me a bit thinner...I think.
With that said let me share with you the exciting news;
I am ACTUALLY (for real this time) moving to
Brooklyn. Now, before you get excited thinking
I am going to be rocking out flannel, drinking Pabst
and debating whether Bukowski was a misogynist or not
know that I am moving to one of the more uncool
parts of the BK. I will be living with you hear little
more than Russian and live across the street from
a Dunkin' Donuts that doesn't have SAUSAGE, egg
and cheese sandwiches because its kosher...dammit.
Yet, despite my lack of proper pork products I
am really excited to finally be making this move.
Its going to be awesome, not to mention I have an
awesome new couch. Awesome.

I must also tell you of my recent adventure!
In an effort to jump start my Brooklynite status
I, in one day no less, did three things that every
Brooklyner must do:

1-I ate a hot dog at Nathan's.
2-I ate a funnel cake on the Coney Island Boardwalk.
3-I rode The Cyclone.

Firstly, that hot dog was damn good. It was also overpriced,
but I suppose what I was really paying for was the unseemly amount
of onions and kraut on it. My pup was so overloaded that the bun
disintegrated, leaving me with quite the mess to maneuver into my mouth.
I was, however, successful. Deliciously successful, which brings us
to my next culinary adventure, the funnel cake.
Now, I don't know how many of you know this,
but I ADORE funnel cake. It is one of the things handed
down to the Egyptians by the gods or something.
Its divine, its delicious, it makes me chubby and I don't care!
It was a tasty funnel cake, though I wish it had had a bit more
powdered sugar. Ah me!
But wait, the best is yet to come. At the VeeBee's insistence
we went a-ridin' on the historic Cyclone!!! This rollercoaster is one
of the oldest, if not THE oldest wooden coasters in the country.
It is also the stuff of familial legend. When I was a child my mother
would never go on rollercoasters with me. Despite my whining she
would always cite the time she and a boyfriend went on The Cyclone.
It was the only coaster she ever rode. It scared her so much it ruined
them for her forever. Now, truly, I was always a little pissed at The Cyclone.
It was the reason I always had to ride with smelly strangers or, gulp, by myself.
I felt this coaster owed me an apology. I mean, how bad ass could a coaster
with no loops or twists be??? Let me tell you, despite my incredulity, that
is one bad ass coaster. I suggest you all run, right now, to Coney Island and ride it.
Despite the fact that it is obnoxiously priced at $8.00 the first ride and $5.00
each additional ride it is still worth it. The VeeBee and I walked off feeling
as if we had had the wind knocked out of us. I also walked away feeling like
I had settled a score with the past. I could forgive The Cyclone for ruining
amusement parks and fairs for me, cause it was a damn good ride.

So there you have it, my adventurous life. Woot.
Stay tuned for the story about how I quit Mohonk.
I still have one more day and then "Poof!" I am gone.
Can't wait, should have a good ending...I hope.

xoxo
~M

OUCH!

Lordy, its been almost a year since I have updated this thing!
I have a feeling it is mostly due to the fact that none but I
have been reading it. Well, if only for my own enjoyment then
I will write a little something.
My move to Brooklyn was thwarted by some institutionally
racist twat and a sorrowful lack of fundage; so here I am, still,
in the good old HV. If anything amazing arises I will share
but as for now I am just playing guitar (poorly), attempting
to master the ukelele (Thanks Emma and Ed!) and tripping
the light fantastic (whilst trying NOT to kill people!) I must
remind myself of murder's illegalities. So there you have it, a
short update for I must get in the shower and get to work.
I need a bit of time to pull myself together. Looking hot is
SUCH great revenge.

Until next time kids,
Keep it real.

xoxo
~M